I can't stop eating.

No really. I've spent my whole life without an appetite but its been particularly bad over the last 6 months. Until now. Until the time that I have a gorgeous dress to fit into for the Breathing Life Awards. Suddenly I've gone from being someone who pushes all her food round her plate before scraping 3/4 of it to the side, to someone who is asking (yes asking!) for treacle pudding and custard after clearing her plate. My husband has been getting more and more stressed over the last few months, vainly trying to tempt me with something to eat or encourage me to drink my (disgusting) Calogen...and now suddenly he's running down the shop to stock up on ever-diminishing packets of crisps and Haribo.

This evening I was actually hungry an hour before dinner and polished off a bag ofHaribo and a raw carrot (a somewhat random mixture), then ate my dinner, then desert and now some savoury snacks. It's like a TV diet show in reverse. Picture the scene...Gillian McKeith stands before a long trestle table, her face a mixture of delight and revelation. She turns to look at me with a glowing smile. "Emma, just look what you ate in the last week!" The table contains a handful of plates with tiny helpings, a few apples and a bag of salad. You are amazing! You've lost half a stone in the last month! I can't wait to catch up with you week, you're a national inspiration....

Cut to the following week. Only this time Gillian has on her familiar scrawny, smacked-arse face and she's looking at me with a mixture of disgust and shame. The table this time is groaning with food. Bags of Haribo are split open everywhere, their contents spilling over into bowls of crisps and pretels. Snickers bars compete for space with sponge puddings and custard, fried chips are lined up side by side. And standing behind it all is me, wide as a house and wobbling about like a jelly.

Well, I may be exagerating just a teeny bit, but I have actually put on half a stone in the last 6 weeks (since going on nebulised Tazocin which has really helped me chest-wise). It's great! It's amazing! No struggles to drink Calogen, no sticking out ribs, no friction between me and Brad about my diminishing weight. BUT WHY NOW??!!!! I NEED TO FIT IN MY DRESS!!! Isn't that just Sod's Law?!! Ah well, I'm not going to stop eating so if worst comes to the worst I'll just have an excuse to go dress-shopping again hehe. Oh and please do tune in to watch the Breathing Life Awards on Five Life, Saturday 2nd May 2007. I'll be the one doing the impression of a space hopper with legs.....